Another mopey day...

Sir-clot-a-lot...thou shalt meet thy doom for this treachery!
Middle school musical: next Friday and Saturday, rehearsal today after school, and then rehearsals every day after school next week until the show. Tons to work on, characters who are forgetting lines and songs left and right, dead spots, costumes, lighting, programs, Oompa Loompas who don't know where the heck they are supposed to be the entire show, lotta work left to do.
Choir concert: two weeks from today. Middle School I see every other day, 4th and 5th grade I'm supposed to see today, tomorrow, and the same next week and that's it before the show, possibly a dress rehearsal if I can get the accompanist to come and help us. Two songs memorized in one choir, two in the other, 8 more to go between the two of them, and yesterday I was still pounding out parts on Chile Con Carne, which I hope with all the hope I possess that I didn't make a mistake in assuming my small choir could nail this in their young years. Same thing, programs, memorization, introductions, planning, lotta work left to do.
K-2nd grade music: I have about five weeks to get all the rest of my curriculum taught to each grade, minus all the days they miss for field trips, parties, and other end of the year shenanagans (only see each grade twice a week). Lotta work left to do.
Trying to piece together full time work for next year: applications, letters of recommendation to obtain, resume to update, schedules to pray will miraculously work out, principals to try not to scare away when I inform them that (theoretically) I'm due the second week of school, LOT OF WORK LEFT TO DO.
Me: on bed rest for a week, possibley more.
Had a general, half crazy, half instinctual, half "I'm just stressed out and trying to get out of my responsibilities, nothing to worry about" "wrong" feeling the last week or so. The clot sort of passes on it's own time, sometimes it comes, sometimes it goes, and the last few days hadn't seen much of anything, but still passng something that requires me to continue to wear a pad all day. And actually, that something was a little more watery and a lot less colored than usual, no weird odors or anything, but not heavy at all either. A day or two ago I thought maybe it might be amniotic fluid, but brushed it away because I leaked amniotic fluid right before I went into labor with Linus, and I remember what that was like, and this was not anything like that. But I still just sort of felt like something was wrong. With nothing else to go on, I finally decided this morning that I would call and ask about it and just see what they think. Judging from how this pregnancy has gone, I've opted for the "better safe than sorry" route. I knew that they would want me to come in, I didn't think it would be that pressing, but of course they wanted to see me that day, and the nurse called me back right as I was leaving for school. Dr. B, my doctor, could see me then if I wanted to come in right away, and I knew that if I was going to miss some school, the earlier I did in the afternoon the better, so I arranged it with work (not the most convenient time for them either, a lot of teachers are gone today and tomorrow, but they made it work, bless secretary V, she has been my lifeline this entire pregnancy in finding subs for me) and took off for Loveland. Dr. B checked me, my waters aren't broken, my cervix is sealed, and I'm not going into preterm labor (whew). Last leg of today's journey was to get an ultrasound to check my cervical length again and be on my way. As I mentioned previously, at my last appointment, my cervix was close to 5cm in length (was also informed that it's not dialated to that length, which is where my confusion came in at my earlier post, it's just that long in length, which was a very good thing, long cervixes are strong ones), and today I measured in at 3cm. Which means it shrunk, below the normal level, which is 3.5 cm. Not only that, but as I laid on the exam table, it lengthened out a little to about 3.4 cm, which means you can deduce that when I lay down and am off my feet, there is less pressure on my cervix and it will lengthen, and when I'm up and about, it puts added pressure on the clot, which is pushing right on my cervix and causing it to shrink. The long dreaded official "bed rest" is upon me and I'm not to go to work for a week until they can measure me again.
I held it together at the office, even joked about it, got in the car and cried the whole way home, and after throwing away a few fistfulls of tissues and emailing and calling everyone I need to, I'm just riding the waves, baby. Craig and I went to the temple last Saturday, and I felt a calm assurance while there that as long as I take care of myself, everything will be fine with the baby. Now I guess I know what that assurance was for, and I will trust in it and do my best, even if doing my best right now means doing nothing.
Good part about today? It's been raining and thundering all day, which is cool enough as it is, but as I was driving out to the doctor's office, the sky opened up just directly over my trip there and a large patch of bright blue sky and warm sun followed me all the way to Loveland. I read an article that I skipped over in last month's Ensign about a woman who realized what it really meant to endure well and that it's not about finding joy when all the trials end, it's about finding joy in the journey, about realizing that our greatest periods of growth come not after the hard times are over, but during the hardest times. If I don't find joy now, even when it's hard, I won't find it when it's easy (which...incase some of you haven't figured out yet, "easy" is super relative and sometimes just plain doesn't exist! And that is a wonderful thing because if everything were easy we would never make it home to Heavenly Father).
So...life is hard, but life is good. Lotta work left to do. :-)