Dreamlife

A man in a business suit and hat sits at his table at the local diner, sipping his water and reading the paper. Busy sounds of the restaurant are all around him, but he is enveloped in the paper, and does not add to the noise around him except the ruffling of the paper as he turns the pages and the sipping of his water.
Finally, a waitress, young, blonde, wearing a white apron around her blue uniform dress and red lipstick, comes up. She refills the man's water without asking, then patiently waits for the man to order. She does not need to get his attention, he's a regular at the diner. She taps her pen on her pad until he turns to her with a mock look of surprise on his face.
"Hi there," he says happily.
"What can I get for you today?" asks the waitress.
"Hmm...well I like food," he begins. "How about...waffles, french fries, hot chocolate, a cucumber, and...grapes."
The waitress does not flinch at his unusual requests as she scribbles his order onto her pad. "Anything else?"
"Yes," he continues. "Um.....uh......waffles...."
"You said that."
"....and.....french fries...."
"Um...we're all out of french fries. Do you want ah....skeedasoh?"
"Yes. I want that."
The buss and hubbub in the small diner continues, unmoved by the strange interaction occurring between the man in his business suit and the blonde waitress in the blue dress. A few minutes pass as they continue to their conversation, the man continuing to ask for more obscene things or request items he's already asked for, the waitress changing what they are offering, making up food items that are not on the menu. Or actual food items at all, for that matter.
"....So," continues the waitress. "You can have the hot chocolate if you want it. And the skeedasoh. Is that okay?"
"But!" the man protests, starting suddenly to get irritated. His brow furrows over his once serene face. "GAH!.....OKAY! Just...just BRING ME MY FOOD!"
"Okay," the waitress says. "That will be ninety nine dollars please."
The man pulls out his wallet, pays for his food without question, and the waitress brings back a plate full of items he did not order. He pays no attention and begins to eat his food.
"Hey!" the waitress exclaims after he bites into a mouth-full of a full, ripe tomato. "Want to see my dance?!"
"Um...okay," says the man.
The waitress immediately drops her pen and pad on the floor and starts hopping manically in a circle in front of the man's table. She can't help herself and begins to giggle hysterically as she dances, clearly embarrassed that she would dance like that in front of a person, let alone a whole restaurant full of people, but unable to stop herself all the same. She makes an unexpected jerk in the wrong direction when she looses footing and accidentally steps on the man's foot, who until that point seemed to have lost interest in the dancing waitress in front of his table, munching on a bunch of bananas with the peels on.
Suddenly he leaps to his feet and yells angrily at the waitress, "OOWWWWW!!!!! YOU STEPPED ON MY FOOT!!!!" Without warning, he throws his arms up and shoves the waitress as hard as he can onto the floor. The waitress screeches in return as she hits the floor, then jumps to her feet again and shoves the man in back onto his table. His food flies into the air as his plate gets knocked over and his ice water empties onto the linoleum floor beneath them. The man's head smacks into the wall behind him, not enough to cause a bump, but enough to make an audible thump.
"OW OW OW OW!!!!" the man wails, grasping his injured head, and he suddenly bursts into sobbing tears.

"MMOOOOOMMMMMMMY!!! CHLOE PUSHED ME OVER!!!!!"

And then a large woman twice their size crashes into the restaurant, soothes the crying man, makes he and the waitress apologize to each other, and helps them clean up their mess.

Yeah, my life could totally be like a graphic novel or something. Right?



We went to Kid's day at Centerra yesterday, which resulted in 40 minutes of sort of enjoyment and 40 minutes of wailing and gnashing of teeth. We tried to wait in line for face paint, but it was too long, so I agreed to paint Chloe's face for her when we got home. And it was the cheapo stuff that rubbed off on everything it touched. At least she enjoyed it long enough for me to take a picture of her with it. :-)