Presto Pesto!

We've been the luckiest people in the world this week because my FANTASTIC coworkers at school rallied together and signed up to bring us meals this entire last week- I just finished the last of a yummy pesto salad that included, obviously, pesto, bow tie pasta, sun-dried tomatoes, fresh spinach, chicken, and pine nuts. And this particular teacher (also pregnant and cute as a button) also made us a chocolate pudding pie with whipped cream and oreos. I've eaten more of my fair share of that pie...and the salad. Teachers at my school are more health conscious than any other group of people I've met in my life and I've been inspired to make a lot more fresh, light food than heavy, meaty food and might even convince Craig to like some of it too. :-) A wise, elderly lady at my church was once quoted as saying she believed a vegan diet to be closer to the word of wisdom than any other type of diet....any thoughts on that? I mean, er....food for thought, right? *snicker snicker*
So- went to the doctor today after my week haitus on bed rest, hoping to be released, but not really expecting it at the same time. My cervix measured in at a whopping 3.3-3.5 cm. Which means, thankfully, nothing has gotten worse and I'm still pregnant! Hooray! But what has kept me as being so? According to my doctor, the best she can guess (since things are so unpredictable right now) is that it's because the bed rest is doing it's job. So after trying to slyly assure her that all I do at work is sit and that the kids really take care of everything for me, she didn't really buy it and pulled the plug completely- bed rest until school is out at least (there were only three weeks left!) so I'm not at work, and cervical checkups every week. Although she did say I could come to the musical tonight for my middle school kiddos as long as I sit the whole time (I volunteered for the video-taping position). No funneling in the cervix, good sign, but still on the tipsy side of things so I need to take it easy still.
My reaction? Well, I didn't cry on the way home this time, I guess that's a good sign. I feel relieved that the wait is over, and I'm guess I'm just happy knowing one way or the other what needs to happen until school is out, seeing that I have no real control over the situation. And of course happy that I'm still pregnant. :-) I feel like an imposition to many people, I guess that's where my stress on that end comes in, but this is just a short span of events in the lifeline of eternity and I will look back sometime and be grateful for it. In the meantime, enjoy my son, the performer. :-)

Gratitude is ALWAYS in style....

The birds are chirping. My children are laughing. The sun is out. What would have been the most stressful week of the year has been completely flopped on it's back and instead of running around like a chicken with its head cut off at all the rehearsals I'd be at this week, I am in bed eating a banana and checking my email (the chicken with it's head cut off is still there, just not visible). What more could a girl ask for?
In the last few days I have perused a LOT of photography when I'm not busily typing lyrics, scanning music and sending it to my coworker, scribbling out lesson plans, and answering tons of questions through email at work. I came across this blog this morning, as they are offering $75 any of their templates to one lucky winner this week through iheartfaces. Boy, that was really the wrong blog to scroll around!! All things baby. The images I looked through melted my heart into a large puddle of goop. I remembered the weeks after Chloe and Linus were first born and all I wanted to do was sit and watch their every move, even when they were sleeping, I couldn't keep my eyes off of them. Newborns are precious, precious gifts from God. At the same time of reflecting on this, I also felt and ache inside. I'd never really understood, even after we had the miscarraige last fall, the times when I would talk to close friends and family who have lost babies or who haven't had a chance to have a baby yet, and how they would ashamedly admit to being envious and hurt over other moms who brought their newborns to church or who gloated openly about thier pregnancy excitement. But at the thought of possibly losing this child, if the worst were to happen, I felt some of that pain to a small degree, it put things into perspective for me. The pull to have children that we as women feel, the natural desire we have towards raising children is also a heavenly gift, and when that gift, for whatever purpose in God's plan is denied us, it is an ache. A real one. I thought about all the other friends/family we have right now that are pregnant (and there are a LOT right now!! It always seems to come in seasons...) and I thought about seeing them and their babies if we were to lose ours, and I did hurt, I was envious already, I am ashamed to admit.
And then I thought some more on these:
Which of course, in turn, caused me to think about this handsome fellow:

and all we've been through in our five short years together!
And I honestly faced the fact that, every day, bad things happen, and even if we did lose the baby, do I trust that it is God's will? Do I accept that bad things happen, to everyone, and that God is really in control of everything? Do I really know that all things are possible when done with the Lord, even overcoming the grief of the bad things that happen in this life?
Yes. I do. Joy in the journey, not just after the journey is over.
That brings me peace, and gratitude, and replaces pain with joy, even pain I haven't experienced yet :-). This life is an incredible journey! I don't mean that in a cliche way, not like "go get a spa, chocolate, and a chic flic today because, heck, you're grateful for life and you deserve it!", I mean it in the "I am at truly at peace, a gift, even when everything around me is not." I know I chose to come here and experience even the bad things, because I know I would eventually realize that I would never experience the truly good things if I didn't go through the bad ones.
By the way, "To Draw Closer to God" by Henry B. Eyring is a fantastic read- he is truly one of the best teachers I've ever learned from.
On a lighter note, I hope to soon have up a video of little Linus doing the hokey pokey. When we get to the "put your backside in, put your backside out" part, he does the funniest little dance. I'm having problems just selecting certain videos to download off our camera and not all of them, so I may have to just buckle down and clear off our camera on the computer downstairs (which will literally be an all day job...but I guess I have the time!) to get it up.
Till next time...

Stir Crazy

Okay, anyone who's had to be on bed rest, give me some tips! I read and sleep and play on the internet and am quite bored of all three. We don't have cable, but I actually resorted to watching House on the internet, which I haven't done in ages, until my laptop overheated and shut down on me. :-) I was actually excited to write my sub plans this morning to give me something different to do!
Also- looking for some preggo advice: with my previous pregnancies, I got sore towards the last month or two of the ordeal, and mostly in my back if anywhere. This last weekend I rolled over in bed too quickly one morning and pulled something and spent all morning recovering (it's rare for me to actually feel anything wrong, so I don't care if it's just a normal muscle strain, if it hurts, I'm going nowhere near it and am playing it extra safe). Saturday I was still a bit sore when I woke up, so I stayed in bed all morning and then it didn't hurt so bad when I got up to use the bathroom later in the day. Yesterday I rolled over too quickly again and hurt myself again, and am still very tender when I move my legs at all or try to walk or put weight on my hips. Still contracting here and there, and also having some bowel problems (on the looser end) that make it difficult to tell if I'm having a painful contraction or if I just need to use the bathroom. Sometimes I think "oh yeah, I'm definitly feeling pressure on my pelvis," and other times I think I'm just over-reacting because I'm so cautious about everything. Anyway, I called my doctor's nurse finally this morning (I probably picked up the phone two or three times and started calling and then hung up over the weekend- mostly because I knew by calling that they would want me to come in and I had to weigh if I really felt like things necessitated a visit to the emergency room- calling my doctor today means I can just see her and I would much prefer doing that) and left a message and have yet to hear from her. Nothing bad has happened, and I just don't know if I'm being paranoid cautious or appropriately cautious. I'm afraid of coming off as a worry wart and I don't want to go to the doctor every day over every little thing, but I also know that things in my position can change really quickly one way or the other. So by posting this, I'm full expecting some complete stranger to contact me and say "I've been through exactly what you're going through and everything turned out just fine". Ahem...please.

Tu-tus!

So since I am stuck at home by myself all day *see previous post*, mostly in bed, I have spent the first 45 min. parusing the internet! My favorite brain-sucking activity. But I found this and am totally going to make one as soon as I'm on my feet again, and am now hoping to have a little girl so I can have a matching one for Chloe too. How cute of a picture would that be? (Sorry, I think I spend about at least 35% of every day thinking of scenes that would make cute pictures...and I wish I were exaggerating).
Here's the link for the tutorial, it's like two seconds long and looks super easy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7aSPMEn7S0&feature=player_embedded#!

And I bet this would work for heavier materials as well, it just wouldn't be quite as floofy. Like if you wanted a longer, tattered, but silky look, or a country-girl white cottony/denim look (with boots and a hat, of course), or for newborns in the winter, getting some really soft pink fleece...do you think I could trust Craig to go to JoAnnes and pick out some fabric for me over the weekend....? Mmm...that's maybe dreaming a little too much. I don't craft very often, but that's mostly because I don't have time, not because I don't want to. But hey! I've got a whole week to be off my feet. Maybe I could actually start Linus's scrapbook before this next one comes! What a novel idea...
Also, speaking of ideas for pictures, I've gone to Target two times in the last two weeks or so (something I don't do very often because I want too much and can't afford enough of it)- and saw some adorable rubber goloshes for little ones, but they were over $15, I had to love myself enough to tell myself that I can't afford it. Then I saw a tan pinstriped suit with a matching tie that would have fit Linus perfectly, and my hopes lifted as I saw it was on clearance! And then sunk again when I saw that it was $17 on clearance (really?! I thought the definition of clearance meant five bucks and under....again, guess I'm just dreaming too much!). So I put it back, and sadly let go of the visions I had in my head of dressing Linus up in the suit and giving him a large piece of birthday cake for birthday pictures, or of putting Chloe in the galoshes with her swimsuit on and an umbrella, like these:







PS- I didn't take these, but I wish I did!
PSS- So I guess this also means me and my blog will be buddies the next few days too...
PSSS- If any of you find galoshes or birthday suits at a thrift store somewhere, tell me ASAP!! And I'll....make Craig go get them...or something...

Another mopey day...

Sir-clot-a-lot...thou shalt meet thy doom for this treachery!
Middle school musical: next Friday and Saturday, rehearsal today after school, and then rehearsals every day after school next week until the show. Tons to work on, characters who are forgetting lines and songs left and right, dead spots, costumes, lighting, programs, Oompa Loompas who don't know where the heck they are supposed to be the entire show, lotta work left to do.
Choir concert: two weeks from today. Middle School I see every other day, 4th and 5th grade I'm supposed to see today, tomorrow, and the same next week and that's it before the show, possibly a dress rehearsal if I can get the accompanist to come and help us. Two songs memorized in one choir, two in the other, 8 more to go between the two of them, and yesterday I was still pounding out parts on Chile Con Carne, which I hope with all the hope I possess that I didn't make a mistake in assuming my small choir could nail this in their young years. Same thing, programs, memorization, introductions, planning, lotta work left to do.
K-2nd grade music: I have about five weeks to get all the rest of my curriculum taught to each grade, minus all the days they miss for field trips, parties, and other end of the year shenanagans (only see each grade twice a week). Lotta work left to do.
Trying to piece together full time work for next year: applications, letters of recommendation to obtain, resume to update, schedules to pray will miraculously work out, principals to try not to scare away when I inform them that (theoretically) I'm due the second week of school, LOT OF WORK LEFT TO DO.
Me: on bed rest for a week, possibley more.
Had a general, half crazy, half instinctual, half "I'm just stressed out and trying to get out of my responsibilities, nothing to worry about" "wrong" feeling the last week or so. The clot sort of passes on it's own time, sometimes it comes, sometimes it goes, and the last few days hadn't seen much of anything, but still passng something that requires me to continue to wear a pad all day. And actually, that something was a little more watery and a lot less colored than usual, no weird odors or anything, but not heavy at all either. A day or two ago I thought maybe it might be amniotic fluid, but brushed it away because I leaked amniotic fluid right before I went into labor with Linus, and I remember what that was like, and this was not anything like that. But I still just sort of felt like something was wrong. With nothing else to go on, I finally decided this morning that I would call and ask about it and just see what they think. Judging from how this pregnancy has gone, I've opted for the "better safe than sorry" route. I knew that they would want me to come in, I didn't think it would be that pressing, but of course they wanted to see me that day, and the nurse called me back right as I was leaving for school. Dr. B, my doctor, could see me then if I wanted to come in right away, and I knew that if I was going to miss some school, the earlier I did in the afternoon the better, so I arranged it with work (not the most convenient time for them either, a lot of teachers are gone today and tomorrow, but they made it work, bless secretary V, she has been my lifeline this entire pregnancy in finding subs for me) and took off for Loveland. Dr. B checked me, my waters aren't broken, my cervix is sealed, and I'm not going into preterm labor (whew). Last leg of today's journey was to get an ultrasound to check my cervical length again and be on my way. As I mentioned previously, at my last appointment, my cervix was close to 5cm in length (was also informed that it's not dialated to that length, which is where my confusion came in at my earlier post, it's just that long in length, which was a very good thing, long cervixes are strong ones), and today I measured in at 3cm. Which means it shrunk, below the normal level, which is 3.5 cm. Not only that, but as I laid on the exam table, it lengthened out a little to about 3.4 cm, which means you can deduce that when I lay down and am off my feet, there is less pressure on my cervix and it will lengthen, and when I'm up and about, it puts added pressure on the clot, which is pushing right on my cervix and causing it to shrink. The long dreaded official "bed rest" is upon me and I'm not to go to work for a week until they can measure me again.
I held it together at the office, even joked about it, got in the car and cried the whole way home, and after throwing away a few fistfulls of tissues and emailing and calling everyone I need to, I'm just riding the waves, baby. Craig and I went to the temple last Saturday, and I felt a calm assurance while there that as long as I take care of myself, everything will be fine with the baby. Now I guess I know what that assurance was for, and I will trust in it and do my best, even if doing my best right now means doing nothing.
Good part about today? It's been raining and thundering all day, which is cool enough as it is, but as I was driving out to the doctor's office, the sky opened up just directly over my trip there and a large patch of bright blue sky and warm sun followed me all the way to Loveland. I read an article that I skipped over in last month's Ensign about a woman who realized what it really meant to endure well and that it's not about finding joy when all the trials end, it's about finding joy in the journey, about realizing that our greatest periods of growth come not after the hard times are over, but during the hardest times. If I don't find joy now, even when it's hard, I won't find it when it's easy (which...incase some of you haven't figured out yet, "easy" is super relative and sometimes just plain doesn't exist! And that is a wonderful thing because if everything were easy we would never make it home to Heavenly Father).
So...life is hard, but life is good. Lotta work left to do. :-)

Diggin

Oh how I love Spring. I love all the seasons, but I wait with extreme anticipation for Spring to come for all that it signifies and promises for the future 5 or so months. We've been so busy each night, it's not always been warm enough when Craig gets home, I'm tired, the kids are sick, whatever the excuse, we definitely have not been spending as much time in the warm weather as my heart has been demanding. Last night I got home from my two and a half hour rehearsal after school and Craig and I enjoyed our dinner outside while we let the kids play. Craig started working on a sprinkler in the corner of our lawn where a shed will be placed in the next month or two (it's a high school project- Craig's parents paid for the materials and the high school construction class puts it together for free- not bad!) so Linus and Chloe wanted to help. I've definitely been noticing that I've been taking way more pictures of Linus than Chloe lately, which is mostly because his birthday is coming up in a month and I had like a two month haitus where I hardly took any pictures of them at all because of my strange pregnant aversion to photography. Chloe is still loved just as much, I promise. :-)








Quick update on sir-clot-a-lot: I had another appointment on Monday where they did the official 20 week ultrasound (I was at 21 weeks, but my doctor was out of town the week before), which would have been my first ultrasound if it weren't for all this shenanagans that have been haunting us these last couple of months. And we're happy to report that we are having a.....baby!!! And yes, we are waiting again to find out the gender of the baby until it's born, so anyone waiting in anticipation will have to wait a little longer. :-) The baby is very healthy and well and fairly squirmy, although the nurse did get a good shot of the spine and the brain, which she said is rare to get a good shot of both, so apparently the baby is very cooperative right now as well. Lets hope it sticks beyond the womb. The clot is still there, even though I've been passing it for over three weeks. It's not as big, but I was so hoping that they would see that it was just about done and almost gone. When I got to my room after we did the ultrasound and weight (which I've finally gained some, I'd lost two to begin with and hadn't gained any after 18 weeks, but then I gained 5 in three weeks, so I can stop gloating in the fact that I can eat ice cream again, unfortunately...) and blood pressure, the nurse gave me a packet explaining that it was just some general information about delivery and that the doctor would be in in a few minutes. I read through it, and thought it quite odd that it only addressed things that happened in delivery that were unusual, like being induced, C-section, or premature delivery and covered nothing about general things to look for when you think you're going into labor. Also...isn't that sort of weird that they would give me a packet like this when I'm only halfway there? You'd think you'd get one closer to the end. And this is my third pregnancy, I have been through it a couple of times, I think I know what to look for...so when my doctor came in I decided to ask her about it. I guess I already knew this, but she just came out and said that because of the clot I am at risk for a preterm delivery. There's of course no way to tell when it would happen or if it would happen at all, but I geuss that explained the "general information" packet. But she happily reported that my cervix is nice and long still. In fact she said it's almost at 5 cm...which I still am sort of confused as to why it's no concern about it getting longer and longer. I mean, when I hit 5 cm with Chloe they admitted me into the hospital for labor! But it's not like I'm effacing or contracting regularly, so I guess it's nothing to worry about. But really...5cm is normal?! Oh well, not going to worry about it.
So the baby is healthy, the kids LOVE watching the ultrasound. In fact Chloe about died laughing when she made the connection that when the baby kicks like it was on the TV, that it is actually kicking me on the inside. Then she was extatic to also make the connection that she kicked me as well when she was inside of me. Linus knows that I ask him where the baby is, he should point to my tummy, but I don't think he quite realizes what is going to hit him come August. Chloe at the dinner table the other night blurted out "Mommy, when you have the baby, I'm going to hold it, and go 'rock-a-bye', and give it loves, and then I'm going to put it back in your tummy!!" Good thing she has no control over things like that. :-)

Spring Break: Day...the rest. And Easter

Okay, so I originally planned to post something everyday over Spring Break. That didn't last very long! Quick recap and then a buncha pictures: I basically played everyday with the kids! Outside when I could, inside when I had to. Thursday night we drove up to Denver to stay with my parents for a night. The next morning we got up and visited the Museum of Nature and Science with the kids- it was fun for sure, but I wish we had thought about all the dumb field trip kids that flooded the place around 10:30 a.m. Somehow we thought we would be beating the system by going on a school day...DER! The kids enjoyed it until it got too crowded, though. For as excited as Chloe was about seeing all the dinosaurs, she sure got freaked out at the T-Rex bones when you first walk in. It didn't help that I accidentally bonked her in the head with the door when we were walking in, so she was already upset and then she saw the T-Rex when we walked in and her first reaction was to cling to my leg frantically and announce "MOMMY! Don't let it EAT me!!!" I'm not sure Linus even saw the T-Rex, really, he was happy just to sit in the stroller and kick his legs around...that is until there were too many kids. Then he was sort of cranky and we didn't stay much longer than that. On the way back to my parent's place we stopped at McDonalds and let teh kids play on the giant play place they had there. Then we went back to my parents place and let the kids nap while Craig and I watched a movie on their big screen downstairs. Then we all drove to Boulder and ate dinner with my brother and sister, which was fun. Chloe got a little sugar happy by the end (after having a huge chunk of cheesecake and a chocolate mushy warm gooey cake as well). They were beat by the time we drove back to Windsor that night.
Conference weekend was great! We went to the town Easter Egg hunt for the kids (which lasts all of about 30 seconds, if you are lucky). Chloe stopped to help a girl who dropped and egg and that was it, all the eggs were gone! She got three and Linus got four- but they didn't care, they were happy to eat their two starbursts a piece and open the eggs themselves. We dyed eggs that night, and unfortunately I didn't take out my camera, but Linus had a ball. Instead of gently dropping the eggs in and letting them stir, it was war, the eggs against the dye, causing a lot of dye to splash everywhere and two of us to man him the entire time. They had fun finding their baskets and eggs the next morning as well and ate way too much candy. WAY TOO MUCH. Typical Easter. :-)
And Spring Break is over. 6 more weeks until school is out!








Blogger is being dumb and won't let me upload the rest of the Easter pictures, so I'll try again later. Toodles!