Spring Break: Day 1

I heart Spring Break

March Madness

Yesterday I had my second appointment since this fat clot sat it's fat derriere in my uterus. It'd been two and a half weeks and I was hoping that something might have changed and that I might have a glimmer of hope that we might be able to start moving through this instead of just sitting and waiting. The clot shrunk a bit (my body absorbed some of it) and my cervix stretched out to 3.9 cm, both good things. Other than that? Stay the course. I wanted to ask if there was possibly some way to remove it, but I already knew the answer so I didn't ask. So I went home afterwards a bit crest-fallen, yet also very grateful that the baby is still okay (this time it waved at us from the ultrasound a few times! I now have three sets of pictures to show off to people and more yet to come, more than my other two pregnancies combined!).
Second part of the story is this: I have still been taking Zofran religiously for nausea. I shrank down to two pills a day instead of three and have honestly been feeling nausea free for a while, which I hadn't yet experienced even when I was taking three pills a day. I was cautiously optomistic that I could shed yet another pill a day and hopefully be done with them by the time Spring Break was over. So I didn't take my pill before bed two nights ago. The next morning I woke up and didn't puke. I ate breakfast and my day went on normally. Success!! Again, last night, I skipped the pill and we went to be earlier than we usually do because we were both exhausted. I woke up around 3:30 when Chloe had to use the bathroom. When I put her back to bed, I too used the bathroom and then climbed back into bed. I remember thinking that perhaps I should go downstairs and take my pill now so as to avoid any potential mishaps in the morning, but I ignored it. And tossed and turned for nearly an hour and a half before I fell back asleep, the whole time feeling hungry for breakfast but too tired to get out of bed and eat it. As we all know, pregnancy + prolonged hunger on an empty stomahch = bad news bear. The alarm went off at 6 and after a few snoozes and after my body came fully awake and fully aware that I had not eaten food as it so pressingly requested hours earlier, my stomach began churning. I'll spare you the details, but it did not end well. However, from all the heaving and putting pressure on my abdomen, my clot started to pass as soon as I finished. I didn't know whether to feel guilty that I may have caused it by not taking my pill or grateful that my prayers were finally being answered and that change was finally occuring. I went and administered CSAPs at school and then called in a sub for the rest of the day.
SO- that being said, things seem to be going according to plan, as much as the doctor knew anyway. No red bleeding. The clot I passed this morning was nickel sized, but I know there is more yet to come. I've had uncomfortable cramping and even contracting, but I have experienced that all week, and the doctor told me that it was probably because my uterus was irritated at this unwelcome guest in it's doors, as am I.
In the meantime, just taking it easy today so I can get a feel for how this is going to go. I will probably go back to school in the morning as long as nothing changes between now and then. I'm hoping (more like desperately wishing) that if this all passes before Spring Break that I will be able to go outside with the kids and go on a walk around Windsor lake and enjoy every minute of the sunshine with my little ones, but I doubt the doctor will say anything conclusive until my next ultrasound and that's not for two more weeks. So we'll see.
On a different note, last week a friend posted this on facebook and I can't stop thinking about it. It's an amazing, heart-wrenching (and I do NOT say that word lightly in this case....really, I still ache about it) and miraculous story for any of you interested in reading/following it. I must warn you, though, especially you Moms, you will cry. It's not negotiable, so if you're not ready for it, don't read it.
Stakerz Xposed
Read the post for February 1st and then if you are a stalker like me, go on from there. Really incredible.

No news IS good news

I meant to post like three days ago, but I had a program last night and have spent every night this week preparing for it and also just being beat tired, so I'm posting this morning instead!
Tuesday's appointment yielded these results:

• The baby is still healthy and well and was squirming around happily during the ultrasound. Yay!
• Last week my cervix had shrunk down to 2cm. The doctor told me this, but I didn't know what it meant, so I asked about it when I got there this time. Smaller cervixes are not as strong as longer ones and are less able to hold the baby in. Seeing my cervix so small was the biggest indicator last week that I might be miscarrying, in addition to the large blood clot. This week my cervix stretched back out to a nice long 3 cm and my doctor was "thrilled" to see this.
• The clot has not yet passed, but it has darkened significantly in color and my doctor said it looks as though it will dilute, break up and pass. I will start bleeding again when this occurs (oh joy!), but as long as it stays dark than I'm okay. I have no idea when it will pass, I have no idea how long it will take to pass, I have no idea what to expect other than to make sure I'm not bleeding bright red.
• The blod clot is 8cm by 6cm by 2cm, roughly the size of a silver dollar. It's big.
  
• I still have to take it easy and in the meantime have to reluctantly sit down and let other people do simple things for me. I feel dumb because I myself feel fine, but I have to remember that it's not my life necessarily that I'm trying to preserve here. Whenever someone offers to move a chair for me or insist that I sit down, my initial reaction is to shoo them off and tell them I'm fine, and then I think about how I would feel if the worst still came around and I only was left with trying to scrutinize and figure out what stupid thing it was I did that caused it. So I just bite my tongue and say thank you. Last night we had a music program and I had to finally leave as everyone was cleaning up because I couldn't move the curtains, I couldn't pick anything up, I couldn't stack chairs, I couldn't move stands or props and I was only sitting there for moral support. But if it means that everything works out fine in the end, I will be grateful for it.
  

My next appointment is in two weeks and until that point I just stay the course and hope this clot passes sometime so I don't have to sit and fret about it anymore. We're just happy the baby is still okay and that things are significantly better than they were last week! Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. If there is one thing I've realized through all this is that it's okay to rely on other people's faith as well as my own and trust that things will be okay. We all need each other and we all pray for each other and we all are loved and prayed for in return. It's a beautiful thing.
And life is good. :-)