It's been raining like ALL day (and by all day I mean maybe two or three times a day) for FOREVER, now, and I would really appreciate to get some HOT weather already! So, I may not be saying that in the middle of the July sun, but I'm saying it now. My feetsies deserve some warmth, they stay cold ALL winter long until it starts getting warm again. Really.
Easter- it was great. A time for new beginnings, for rebirths. I think I am going to start setting resolutions on Easter rather than on New Years. Here is a little pumpkin seed that Chloe planted a couple of weeks ago after she came home from library (she goes with a friend each week because I don't have time to take my kids! Another reason I will greatly cherish being done working in a few weeks...)- it is sprouting up so well! I think I'm more excited about it than the kids are. The shell of the pumpkin seed has fallen off now and the leaves are starting to separate. How amazing! All that little plant needed to sprout out and start growing was inside that little seed. How grateful I am to receive such beautiful gifts from my Heavenly Father.
Speaking of gifts, and new beginnings, I had one of those Mommy heart moments last night that planted a little seed in my heart. Working, even half time, has been a difficult thing for me. I just hate how I come home just spent sometimes and I have little to nothing left for my kids. So last night, Craig had class, as he does twice a week, and it's my job to get the kids fed and put to bed by myself on those nights since he doesn't get home until later. No big deal, some Moms have to do it every night (HOW DID MY PARENTS SURVIVE AFTER THEY DIVORCED??? I'm glad I'll never know). Usually they are pretty good for me when it's just me, we read books or sometimes we'll pop some popcorn and watch a movie if I'm particularly in the mood (aka wiped out) or just play together. Well last night from the moment we left Grandma's house, they were at each other ALL night. They got a late nap, and so they quite readily oscillated between giggling their heads off and not listening to a word I said or throwing gigantic tantrums. We read a few books before bed to calm them down a little, maybe one too many because suddenly I realized it was 6:57 and bedtime is at 7:00. Okay, I ask them to go upstairs and start changing for bed (no go, they just spat out a wild "NO!" and giggled like maniacs), so I went upstairs and put Odell to bed first. Came back down and spent the next 15 minutes herding them upstairs. I got in the room and tried to calm them down enough to get their clothes off and in the bathroom, but as soon as I caught one, the other ran off and started slamming doors or running back downstairs. Finally, my impatience got the best of me and I yelled, "OKAY FINE! You guys can change YOURSELVES!" and with a slam of the door, I marched downstairs and in a huff began putting all their books away that they had spread all over the floor while they began wailing upstairs (not my best Mommy moment, I know). After a few minutes, I was done and their wailing had subsided and I heard Chloe coming out of the room. "Mom," she said meekly from the top of the stairs. "I'm going to go potty, okay?". Still not ready to give in completely, I said, "Hurry" and then went upstairs to start changing Linus, who was still upset because I hadn't given him a hug yet. I marched them a la military style into the bathroom to brush their teeth and they silently filed back into the room for scriptures, Linus still gasping little breathy sobs here and there. I started reading where Craig had left off in the Book of Mormon in Alma. Lo and behold, we were in Alma chapter 7 directly on v. 11 where it talks about Christ suffering all infirmities so that he could succor His children. My heart softened just a little as I read, but I clung on to my pride and decided I wouldn't apologize until after prayers. When I was done reading, Chloe volunteered for the prayer. We all folded our arms and as she started, the Spirit whispered to me that the words she spoke would be directly for me. Here was her 4 year old prayer:
"Dear Heavenly Father, please help Mommy to stop yelling at us. Help her to forgive us..."
...and the dam broke and big fat tears started rolling down my cheeks. She must have had her eyes open because she paused as I tried to wipe off the tears. Then she continued:
"Heavenly Father, Jesus was nailed to the cross. He died for us. He forgave us. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."
Then she immediately got up and opened up her arms and wrapped them around me, gently touching my hair as I cried and blubbered out my apology to both of them over and over again. I held them both and we just sat there for a while and then Linus perked his head up and asked quietly if we could sing some songs before bed. I sang their two sweet requests, "I love to see the temple" and "Families can be together forever." It was nearly 8 by the time I got them to bed, but the Spirit had returned to our house after my temper tantrum had driven it out. I couldn't stop thinking about how I felt all night long.
And here's my sweet Odell in her Easter outfit. I am the luckiest, most blessed Mom in the world to have such beautiful children. I hope they will learn to forgive this stubborn Mommy as they grow up because Heaven knows I need it! Here's to a rebirth as a mother...as soon as I'm done with my job. :-) 4 MORE WEEKS!
